Funny Jokes

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".


So there is this taxi driver in New York City, and it is nearing the end of his shift but he decides that he will pick up one more person before he turns in for the night. So he stops and pulls over and a nun gets in the car. She tells him where to go and they start off. It is a long drive and the driver keeps looking at the nun through the rear view mirror of his cab. Now, the nun is getting very upset by this and says; "Um...can I help you??!!" The taxi driver looks very embarrassed and says "No I'm sorry... its very embarrassing I cannot say." And the nun looks at him and says "Now, my son, I have been in this business far too long to be disturbed by anything you have to say...so go ahead." The driver thinks for a minute and says "Ok, well for as long as I can remember, I have had the biggest fantasy about kissing a nun...." She looks amused at first then , "Well, I think I can help you with that! but first you must promise me two things, the first is that you are a Catholic, the second is that you are single. If you can promise this, I shall give you what you ask for." And the driver says "Great!! sure I'm a single Catholic!!" So they pull into an alley and the nun crawls into the front seat of the cab and gives the driver an amazing kiss. And they finish up and get back on the road. Soon the taxi driver starts looking nervous and peering at the nun in the rear view mirror again. Just staring at her, and when the nun asks him why he is staring and he says "Well I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you... you see, I'm not a catholic.. and I'm also married...." The nun smiles and says "well i haven't been honest with you either.... my name is Kevin, and I'm going to a halloween party"


There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!” The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”


George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, “I really hate all the stupid jokes people make about me.” Cheney reassured him by saying, “Jokes can’t hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I will show you what I mean.” Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, “Please take me to 261 M street to see if I am home, ” said Cheney. Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street. Cheney then rang the doorbell, came back to the car and said, “Oh, I guess I’am not there! Take us back to where we started, please.” The cabbie did what he was told without a word. Cheney leaned over and said to Dubya, “You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don’t worry about their opinions!” Bush said, “Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better.” Then he winked and whispered, “Hooboy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have realized you could have called instead!


Jill had to grab a cab to get to a meeting uptown. She hailed one down, got in, and told the cabbie the address she needed. The cabbie turned out to be a lunatic driver, and Jill sat in the backseat clutching the door handle wondering if she could expect to survive this trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded NYC streets, weaving in and out of traffic. Jill watched as one pedestrian after another leapt aside to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. Jill looked ahead and saw a truck double parked on the narrow street. Not only did the driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side.
"Driver," Jill screamed, "Are you crazy? Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax, Lady," he said. "Just do what I do. Close your eyes."


A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How you doing?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League,honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."


Would you like to see your taxi joke published on my website ??? Please feel free to add it here and if it is a clean joke then it will be considered for publishing. Include your name if you would like and i will publish that also if you desire.

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